lookin up at stars...wondering...if this night could ever end... [16 Dec 2003|03:35pm] [ mood | <3 ] [ music | the june spirit. ] nicks parents dont make a big deal out of xmas in his house, but im gonna make it a big deal for him. im such a good girlfriend! im gonna get him everything he wants. my car is currently at the dealership because life hates me, one of the belts is loose or something so their fixing it...meanwhile im driving a tan 1997 neon, and wow does it suck. im gonna put in my 2 weeks today at wet seat, i dont have enough time to see my boyfriend, and i love him, and miss him every second that hes not here. he just got me a new fcuk hoodie i love it.. he got a mercedes benz the other day, its really cool, we just put neon lights under the dash, and they beat with the music! its great. hes still working on his sleeve. and i am no fan of his tattoo girl, i am good for nick, thanks. well i gotta get lookin for presents online, so see ya later. <3/me. choke on every word.

ill leave them on the table in the same brown bottle you know... [05 Dec 2003|04:45pm] [ mood | <3. ] [ music | the starting line-make yourself at home. ] stuff has been crazy! i got my license yesterday, and then my parents made me get in the car and we drove like an hour a half away, and we pulled up to a dodge dealership, and they let me get the car ive been wanting! my little neon srt4! im loving it. nicks family had to put roxanne to sleep. his mom is really upset, and it just hit him that shes gone. i miss her too, and she wasnt even my dog. im sorry baby... let me tell you how i fuckin hate snow, because when theres snow i have nothing to do but look at my car out the window, or go brush the snow off of it. zero driving in the snow for me...well im on my way to work... <3/me. 1 dead. - choke on every word.

i was wondering if this nite could ever end. [01 Dec 2003|03:53pm] [ mood | <3 loved. ] [ music | the june spirit. ] me and nick are amazing! where would i be without him? sometimes i wonder. he gave me a pretty diamond necklace the other day. its beautiful. for thanksgiving, we went to columbus mart, and nick bought me a marilyn monroe purse, its so pretty..i found out roxanne has cancer... :(. (fyi: roxanne is nicks dog.) we went to my gmoms for thanksgiving dinner, my fam grilled him like their supposed to do to boyfriends i guess. then we went where his fam was, and he ate, i watched, i was super stuffed. then we went back to his house. on black friday i got out of working, and me and nick went to the zoo. what an amazing boyfriend, he takes me to the zoo! he was like the animal doctor, he was talking to this fucking bear and it was walking over to him, he obv thought he was the man. i love the zoo..the aquariums next. nick just got 4 new tattoos, he got this red rose that looks amazing! and he got the sacred heart, and 2 more nautical stars. hes getting his filler done soon on his sleeve, im so excited it looks great! i went to king of prussia with my family over break, and i got all these xmas presents, i love spending my mommys money! i got new shoes, some von dutch stuff, and some stuff at urban outfitters. it was a grand old time. im gonna get going to work, and try to get a hold of my bf..cause i miss him terribly. i havent heard from him all day *tears* <3/me. 2 dead. - choke on every word.

as much as i love autumn im giving myself to ashes. [21 Nov 2003|04:46pm] [ mood | <3. ] [ music | the wallflowers. ] violets back in school. i FINALLY get to see nick today. friday nite work once again should prove to be fun. i work at wet seal too now. tomorrow morning i have to be there at 7am... shoot me now. 1 dead. - choke on every word.

autumn disposition. [15 Nov 2003|12:02pm] [ mood | <3. ] [ music | fairweather ] last nite was fun, ryan brought capuccino to work for me! hes obviously the man! then after i got off of work, we went and picked up chris b, and we went all the way to 711 for figi, haha. then off to medport. i saw shawn, and matt, i went to sit with them for a bit, and then we ate...rodgers showed up with tony, and john. they were super duper high. and someones pregnat, right chris, hilarious! car shopping today! i cant wait to get my little jetta. im obviously the bomb. maybe a caviliar..or how every you spell it..what ever it has wheels, it moves, it has a radio..im ready. i wanna see nick really bad, i think im going over there today, party time! tomorrow nite=ht work meeting, me and andrew are gonna tear shit up like its our job. <3/me. choke on every word.

<3. [14 Nov 2003|03:32pm] [ mood | <3. ] [ music | from autum to ashes. ] i remember when i was me, and you were you, the days we furiously pulled away eachothers clothes, impatient to feel skin on skin and be one. Or when we would sit on the deck or the pourch and smoke together, getting high with you always felt great, we would go downstairs, and collapse on the couch. You always sat up on the second cushion from the left, i would lay with my head on your lap, together we woeuld listen to the metal channel on tv, cracking jokes and chosing names for our future kids. i told you that i would never let you name our boy sebastian, and i laughed, sadly enough you were serious. sometimes i would skip school to be with you, we would show up at your house around quarter after eight, after our cigarette stop. I would let myself in, and climb the stairs in search for you, once in awhile i would hear the shower running, so i would open the bathroom door, peel my clothes off and step in. we would kiss under the water. thats one of the times i realized how beautiful you were. other times you would come out to the car, and we would drive off; once to delaware to buy a carton of cigarettes, once to philly. i remember that day, we walked south street, and you bought me those red roses for 5.99 at the flower shop on the corner, they sat on my dresser in a tall glass vase for about two weeks, on my birthday you gave me two dozen roses to add to my collection. your always so careful with me...and one of those days, when we layed in the basement and watched tv, i realized i love you, and ill always love, thats just the way things are going to be. choke on every word.

new jersey bound, sound asleep, theyll find you when your most vulnerable. [12 Nov 2003|03:51pm] [ mood | <3 ] [ music | coheed. ] THINGS I NEED TO DO: *talk to nick. *find a second job for the holidays. *make more time for nick. *find more time for everything. *find more money. *practice driving. *move out of this fucking house. *name my new dog lucy. *save money. *buy nicks ring. *buy myself clothes. it clearly seems there is not enough money, or time for anything...fuck life, and all the people in it, except for nick <3. ha. choke on every word.

[11 Nov 2003|07:16pm] .bring back the music. You're more punk, hardcore, mod, streightedge, emo, indie than me. Your hair is cooler, your pants are tighter, you have more tattoos. You have cooler pins on your messenger bag and your favorite band is more obscure than mine. Your shoes are more vintage and so is your t-shirt. You own more black cloths than me. I don't even own a tucker cap OR a denim jacket. Your glasses are thinker and blacker than mine, the plugs in your ears are bigger. You know more people in bands and your black jelly braclets are the envy or scenesters everywhere. Your photography is blacker and whiter, your makeoutclub profile is wittier, and you have much better soul records. Your tie is whiter, or redder, or blacker. Your scene points are double, perhaps triple mine. Because as we all know that's what really matters. In a scene where the music has taken a backseat to the haircuts, you win and i lose. 4 dead. - choke on every word.

me and my star. [11 Nov 2003|06:32pm] [ mood | <3. ] [ music | the mars volta. ] i love autumn and winter, i think the weather is just amazing, i love being wrapped in sweatshirts, sweaters, scarfs, gloves, hats...the season of love, snow angels, hot chocolate, snuggling by the fire. i love every second of it. here are some pictures of nick <3 : my baby, hes gorgeous <3. me and nicks mom stuck him in the backseat for the ride through pennsylvania, it was beautiful <3. our sunday walk <3. <3/me. choke on every word.

save us from sleep and what we are. [09 Nov 2003|11:06am] [ mood | <3. ] [ music | coheed. ] i went to my brothers hockey game last nite, i love watching parents get loud, curse, and act ridicliously...the same way they encourage their kids not to act, and their kids sit there, confused on what to do...my brothers team won, it was exciting. then we went to chilis to eat..yum. i of corse didnt get to see nick yesterday, it was upsetting, really. and he fell asleep before i got home so i didnt really get to talk to him either. today im going to see him tho..he wants to go out, i just wanna stay in, watch some tv, and lay on the couch with him. thats my ideal sunday afternoon... i want to get my septum done, but im super scared, when is ryan taking me dammit! im off to go eat my cinnamon and raisin toast. <3/me. 1 dead. - choke on every word.

woulnt you kill me, so ill die happy. [08 Nov 2003|01:58pm] [ mood | <3. ] [ music | thrice. ] last nite work bit ass. ryan came to visit me, he got a major ticket for speeding, and he lost damien...haha. and when i came home from work...all i wanted to do was talk to nick, cause i missed him, and he was asleep like always. he works 6:30-5, and i work 5-10:30. life always works in the shittiest ways. definatly am grounded today as well. life=major sucking. so the highlight of my day so far was grocery shopping with my mom...and reading some of my book 'candy'. its great. hopefully ill see nick tomorrow. i miss him <3. i need to finish my role of film so i can get it developed. i just havent had any good subject matter latley, i havent had a chance to see nick, and autumn is almost over or is over maybe. <3/me. choke on every word.

and ive got designs on lighting you up, setting you off, watching you burn for me. [07 Nov 2003|09:51am] [ mood | <3. ] [ music | brandnew. ] thursday= me, ryan, and damien going from mall to mall, we stole a whole table from wendys (long story.) - then me and damien got a whole box of jewish chocolate, it said happy hannauka on it (sp?) we got ryans chick, and went to nicks house, nicks pierced the other side of damiens lip. and hes gonna do ryans. then me and nick watched some tv, and fell asleep <3. then i got home a half hour later then i was supposed to. so now i think im in trouble, but i dont really know, i know that im not allowed to go out today, but i better be able to go out tomorrow. i have plans tomorrow, and nick took off work to hang out with me <3. i havent been seeing alot of him latley, so that needs to start happening. i think on saturday ill get my septum pierced. happy birthday melby! now i have money and i want clothes, gr...to the mall! <3/me. 1 dead. - choke on every word.

at midnight well lock all the doors and turn out the lights. [06 Nov 2003|01:55pm] [ mood | <3. ] [ music | dashboard. ] ATTENTION ATTENTION: heres the deal, i have NO problems with anyone. yeah sara, meg, leesa, brittney, i dont hate you guys, that dosent mean i wanna be friends with you but it means i have no problems with you, i dont talk about you, and i hope you dont talk about me, end of story. (PS to everyone whos commenting, stop fighting with eachother on my journal. thanks.) anyway, i havent written in awhile. nothing out of the ordinary has been happening. me and nick are peachy, yesterday i went outside to have a cigarette at work, and scott came out and sat next to me, so we talked for a bit, and then me and mooner went to medport, it was good times! today im thinking about vt with mooner, and damien. and later im gonna go over nicks house, and visit my baby. i love having off of school...and i think im gonna call up violet. <3/me. choke on every word.

feels like dying. [30 Oct 2003|04:02pm] i wasnt pointing any fingers, about those comments, it just pisses me off. why does everyone have negative things to say, i dont care get over it. ive been done with this stuff, and i dont see why everyone else cant leave me alone. yes my bf is hot, and i love him. not much has been happening really, im just happy. <3/me. choke on every word.

you had your back turned. [26 Oct 2003|10:17am] [ mood | <3 ] [ music | co & ca ] thank you to whoever stuck up for me. you made the point that i was trying to make all along. thanks again! finally i got to see nick again, yesterday. we sat around watched animal planet hehe, and loved <3. today were heading to pennsylvania, to go check out his cousins porsche hes buying. (sp?) another day in pa with nick and his mommy. and then hanging out at his house afterwards. ahh their here! i gotta go. <3/me. choke on every word.

theres a piece of glass sticking in my back. [23 Oct 2003|01:36pm] [ mood | <3. ] [ music | saves the day. ] everythings been decent. i love highschool, especially when i get called down to the office, cause they think im smoking pot. hilarious let me tell you. me and nick are extremely good, i got my ring back from the jewelers its beautiful. here some pics as promised from my bday and other things that i threw in for fun: nick kissing me <3. (above) sleepy nick <3. nick decided to pick me up for a little while in the parking lot at the olive garden hehe. <3. me and nick with our hands in eachothers pockets <3, pic compliments of ap and vi. my bday girls vi and ap! i love you 2! at the diner with nick <3. love on my birthday <3. <3/me. 15 dead. - choke on every word.

but how, its up to you. [19 Oct 2003|12:07am] [ mood | <3. ] [ music | new coheed. ] i just got in from nicks. i had psats today, yeah, then work. after work, me mad, laura, and brielle all sat outside lookin for girls/guys for mad and brielle. they bought rodents! brielle bought the mother of all hampsters, its like godzilla! nicks house was the highlight of my day <3. i met his sister, shes home from college. and we laid around watched movies, and slept, and kissed and ya know <3. his moms coming to pick me up tomorrow! yay. well im gonna get going i need some rest. pics will be on their way, considering i have a new web cam, a scanner, and a shit load of bday pics up in this piece. <3/me. i forgot what it feels like to be 100% content with life. 1 dead. - choke on every word.

kill them with kindness. [17 Oct 2003|11:37am] yesterday me and nick had some fun times! i wanna marry that man. <3. then i went home got to play on the new computer. today, me vi, d, and niki went out before school. we went to medport for breakfast, went to nikis house, stole her moms vdub, and drove around. i got to drive yay! we had to hide from my mom cause we saw her car coming down the street. im buying nikis moms car from her asap. nick starts his new job today, i hope he likes it. i miss him, and im not going to get to see him until tomorrow nite. *tears* right now im in seminar ideas, and im gonna go surf the net, but pics from my bday will be up asap! ap hooked it up like whoa! <3/me. choke on every word.

woulnt you hold me now... [13 Oct 2003|11:59am] [ mood | <3. ] [ music | dashboard. ] friday wow, great start to the bday weekend. right after school, me, vi, and d went to pick up nick. we ran a bunch of errands, and then headed to pa. we got on south street. and i bought another fcuk shirt, and some perfume. nick bought me 2 dozen roses <3, and he bought vi a flower. then we went to nicks, and then out to eat at medport. i saw camille. then i went home and went to sleep. saturday i woke up super early, and me and vi went to my gmoms house, then she dropped me off at nicks. we took a nice shower, had bday sex <3, and then chilled for a while. his mom made us grilled cheese, my great gmom went back to the hospital. i went to get my phone fixed, while vi and nick went somewhere where they wouldnt tell me. vi pierced nicks nose in the mall parking lot, and he pierced hers, it was crazy. we went to pick up amanda. then we went to pa, went to urban. i got a sweater, a shirt, and a nick book. we left pa, and went to the olive garden, it was like an hour and a half wait to sit down. dinner was good, nick told us he had to go out to the car to get his phone, cause he forgot it. he came back with a ring box. and i opened it, and it was beautiful! <3 then we went to a party in deptford. it was kinda weird, so around 4 we went to nicks house, and slept there. sunday we woke up, and left, me and vi each got showers, and got ready, then we went back to pick nick up. and we went to helzberg diamonds, and we dropped my ring off to be sized. we went to get vis strawbridge card number. then they made me eat meat at wendys. then i went over nicks, and we fell asleep. <3 vi came to pick me up, and i came home and slept. <3/me. choke on every word.

ill stop the world and melt with you. [11 Oct 2003|09:08am] [ mood | <3 ] [ music | the juliana theory. ] (ps. the only thing thats terribly wrong in the world is your attitude. nicks going out with me cause he loves me so thanks.) <--well i wonder, who wrote that nasty comment on my journal a few days ago that i just had to reply to? today is definatly my birthday. 17, hm, i dont see the good part about it. i dont have my license, no tattoos, no piercings besides the ones i already have. this is a trick year. yesterday was alot of fun, after school we went and picked up nick, and then went to my house to get money, hit up ch mall, for vi and nicks paychecks, and then out of jersey we went. urban was too crowded, so we just went to south street. i got punch perfume from trixies, ive been wanting that stuff for sooooo long! and i got a new fcuk shirt. i didnt spend too much. nick bought me another 2 dozen roses! and he bought vi a flower, just cause hes the sweetest. then we went to go pierce vis nose but the stud wasnt good enough, so nicks gonna pierce it today. then we went to m-port, met up with andrew, chris rodgers, and eric metzger. we saw camille there. then me and nick went home vi went to go get fucked up, and here i am now. ap called me this morning to wish me a happy bday. i think shes coming with us today. well i have to go get ready to crawl in bed with nick. sounds like the perfect start to the perfect birthday. then later dinner with nick, vi, ap, and the fam! VI: i love you sweetheart, i donno what my bday would be without you! thanks for takin me to ss, for bringing nick, for skipping school with me and going to 3 different states, for trying to pump you own gas, for meeting guys at the ch mall (and turning around and falling in love with one of them), for being amazing, and for loving me! thanks sweetie. xo. <3/me. 4 dead. - choke on every word.

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